Our children are molded by many shaping influences, including:
- Structure of family life
- Family values
- Family roles
- Family response to failure
- Family history
- Family conflict resolution
God's plan requires parents to "shepherd" their children on God's behalf. Gene and Cheryl noted 4 different Bible verses at this point.
Proverbs 15:5 A fool spurns a parent’s discipline, but whoever heeds correction shows prudence.
Proverbs 15:32 Those who disregard discipline despise themselves, but the one who heeds correction gains understanding.
Proverbs 29:15 A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom, but a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother.
Psalm 127
1
Unless the LORD builds the
house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the
city, the guards stand watch in vain.
2
In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat— for he grants sleep to those he loves.
3
Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him.
4
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth.
5
Blessed is the man whose quiver
is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with
their opponents in court.We must think about what our "target" is as a parent. Is it children who "do well"? Children who are "quiet"? Children who are "well behaved"? It should be children who are Christ-like! We need to teach our children to love God and love others.
Gene and Cheryl moved on to speak on the topic of obedience, which they focused on specifically from infancy to age 4-5. The key concept for these years is that children are living under authority and that obedience is a response to God. They cited Ephesians 6:1-3,
1
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
2
“Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—
3
“so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
They taught their girls that obedience means that they should do something they are asked 1.) immediately, 2.) completely, 3.) without complaint, and 4.) without question. However, it is important to note that each child is different and may need a differentiated discipline technique.
As children get older (ages 6-12), the focus shifts to character development. Luke 6:45 says, A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. The key thought is that behavior is the manifestation of what is going on in the heart. Our behavior overflows from the heart. If we force a child to obey, but never deal with the heart level, once you are gone, they will rebel.
Finally, as our children reach the teenage years (ages 13-17), the key concept is opportunity. Check out Proverbs 1:7,10 7 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction. 10 My son, if sinful men entice you, do not give in to them.
The gospel must be internalized during these years. Behavior has a "when", a "what", and a "why". The "what" is the things that were said and done, and the "why" is based on the internal heart issues that pushed/pulled that specific behavior. A biblical model can be found in Psalm 36:1-4
1
I have a message from God in my heart concerning the sinfulness of the wicked:There is no fear of God before their eyes.
2
In their own eyes they flatter themselves too much to detect or hate their sin.
3
The words of their mouths are wicked and deceitful; they fail to act wisely or do good.
4
Even on their beds they plot
evil; they commit themselves to a sinful course and do not reject what
is wrong.Discipline needs change as your child grows and each child is unique. What works for one child may not work for another! However, the one thing that is unchanging is God's word. When we struggle with discipline (or anything else!) we can turn to Him.
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